Here I am. Sitting in front of a flat screen, 13 storeys above the ground. I overlook the entire East Coast estate in this haze of moisture and grey clouds. Apartments, swimming pools, roads, private house, HDBs, schools. It is just another of the moment I always experience. A time of loss. You know you jolly well can read a book, watch the TV, study for your exams. But, you just have to be still and do something brainless. Like blogging at this time. Feeling a sense of loss and emptiness.
I thought to myself. As expressive as I am in this virtual world, what if I was able to do the same thing to a person in real? For example, the girl you are always fond of. Or the person you wanted to understand better or help. What has this blogging phenomena done to human race? The psychi of mankind? If I could say out my heart to that person in real, I believe the world will be a better place. A place where heart meant for heart. A place where humans are experiencing what we call the "personal touch". We have slowly accustomed to this virtual thing. Some call it just another form. I call it escape.
I agree I find the virtual world my cave. In fact, it was my hideout. Communication takes less energy and guts here. So tell me. Is me really me here? or is me really me out there facing you? What is the control? What is the basis? So what is right what is wrong?
So then, if I have to find a better thing and put in effort to do it, rather than sitting and speaking pathethically to myself as I wrote, What will it be?
1) Walk with someone who means alot to you along East Coast Park. One who loves the beach as much as you do.
2) Sit with someone, and just be a listening ear. Let her find comfort in you. Let her find a cave to rest in you.
3) Have fun with a few of your good friends. So you know you do have friends who cares. And you friends will know you care.
4) Talk a walk around. Look at the trees and appreciate God's creations. And fresh air do you good.
5) Sit alone at the breakwater. Think about your life. About how well you've made use of it. And try to think of ways to be a better person to the one you love.
6) Sit at the piano, and let your emotions out. Write a song that will bless others.
7) Wash your dad's car.
8) Talk to your grandparents. Just talk to them. Because that is all they wanted.
9) Remove hair and pubic hairs from the gutter in the bathtub.
10) Pay $10 for 1 packet of tissue to that poor lady selling it. You know it means alot to her. A hell lot!
I want to be a better person. Really. I want to love people because I love them. Not because I can expect a return or their love in return. I want to be able to love myself. Not comparing with others. The grass is always grenner on the other side. So why should I indulge in self-pity?
Is my worth in life to you all that is represented from my physical attributes and material posession? Or is it that intangible experience or blessing that you have experienced being with me? Which do you want? Which do I want? Do you only remember what good you've gain from me and not what you have done for me? Do you only tell me how much I meant to you only to turn back and forget what you've just said that very moment? Do you only come to me when you need me but dispose and disregard me when you have that moutain which you can seek shelter from and not need me anymore? Am I all that it is to you?
I wished I can be myself by being someone else. Because that someone else I want to be is not myself now, I wished that someone else I want to be will be the real self I really want to be. I dun want to be someone else when I know I am myself and thus by being someone else I am not myself really then. For now I am finr with myself for who I am but I cannot help but want to be someone else because I feel that myself now cannot compare to that someone else. But how do I be that someone else when I know that I can only be myself and will never be someone else? Yet everyday I want to be someone else, thinking that if myself was that someone else I can be happier. It is then I had wished that from the beggining myself was that someone else and that someone else was already me.
I really want to be there for you.
I thought to myself. As expressive as I am in this virtual world, what if I was able to do the same thing to a person in real? For example, the girl you are always fond of. Or the person you wanted to understand better or help. What has this blogging phenomena done to human race? The psychi of mankind? If I could say out my heart to that person in real, I believe the world will be a better place. A place where heart meant for heart. A place where humans are experiencing what we call the "personal touch". We have slowly accustomed to this virtual thing. Some call it just another form. I call it escape.
I agree I find the virtual world my cave. In fact, it was my hideout. Communication takes less energy and guts here. So tell me. Is me really me here? or is me really me out there facing you? What is the control? What is the basis? So what is right what is wrong?
So then, if I have to find a better thing and put in effort to do it, rather than sitting and speaking pathethically to myself as I wrote, What will it be?
1) Walk with someone who means alot to you along East Coast Park. One who loves the beach as much as you do.
2) Sit with someone, and just be a listening ear. Let her find comfort in you. Let her find a cave to rest in you.
3) Have fun with a few of your good friends. So you know you do have friends who cares. And you friends will know you care.
4) Talk a walk around. Look at the trees and appreciate God's creations. And fresh air do you good.
5) Sit alone at the breakwater. Think about your life. About how well you've made use of it. And try to think of ways to be a better person to the one you love.
6) Sit at the piano, and let your emotions out. Write a song that will bless others.
7) Wash your dad's car.
8) Talk to your grandparents. Just talk to them. Because that is all they wanted.
9) Remove hair and pubic hairs from the gutter in the bathtub.
10) Pay $10 for 1 packet of tissue to that poor lady selling it. You know it means alot to her. A hell lot!
I want to be a better person. Really. I want to love people because I love them. Not because I can expect a return or their love in return. I want to be able to love myself. Not comparing with others. The grass is always grenner on the other side. So why should I indulge in self-pity?
Is my worth in life to you all that is represented from my physical attributes and material posession? Or is it that intangible experience or blessing that you have experienced being with me? Which do you want? Which do I want? Do you only remember what good you've gain from me and not what you have done for me? Do you only tell me how much I meant to you only to turn back and forget what you've just said that very moment? Do you only come to me when you need me but dispose and disregard me when you have that moutain which you can seek shelter from and not need me anymore? Am I all that it is to you?
I wished I can be myself by being someone else. Because that someone else I want to be is not myself now, I wished that someone else I want to be will be the real self I really want to be. I dun want to be someone else when I know I am myself and thus by being someone else I am not myself really then. For now I am finr with myself for who I am but I cannot help but want to be someone else because I feel that myself now cannot compare to that someone else. But how do I be that someone else when I know that I can only be myself and will never be someone else? Yet everyday I want to be someone else, thinking that if myself was that someone else I can be happier. It is then I had wished that from the beggining myself was that someone else and that someone else was already me.
I really want to be there for you.
posted by Darnie Pig at 6:22 PM
1 Comments:
oh well, Mr Kermit, i just read a few posts of yours so i don't know whether u do actually relate ur true nature while u write.
But fret not... You seem like a simple person, if not a lovable person to ur family and frens (from what i c from other posts). You seemed to want to be noticed for your doings and good deeds. At the same time, you have the feelings that pull u down each time you want to be appreciated.
You quoted "The grass is always grenner on the other side."
A girl once said, "The grass is always greener on the other side, but as time passes by, they grow. In the end, we still have to cut both side of grass." The girl is me. Haha. think bout it.
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